Words

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Holey Moley

Date June 5, 2010
I stopped in a Bagel Joint for lunch the oth­er day, it was a bit late and they appeared like they may have been prepar­ing to close. I polite­ly asked ‘yaopen­still?’ (it’s all one word, cause that’s pret­ty much how I said it) the counter gal who was busi­ly jam­ming dozens of bagels into a…
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Sleep Number

Date May 5, 2010
The oth­er day I stopped in a ‘fan­cy-pants-bed’ place that fea­tures beds with air blad­ders in them so you can make the bed as soft or as hard as you like, the left and right side are adjustable inde­pen­dent­ly, so you needn’t suf­fer through the ‘goldilocks’ syn­drome just because of your bed­mates pref­er­ence. I laid…
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Rounding & Cheese

Date June 18, 2009
Yesterday for lunch I stopped at a local piz­za joint for a cou­ple of slices and a diet cola, I bought 3 slices, and told the guy that he need’nt heat them up, because I wasn’t going to eat them for ‘hours’, he put them on a paper plate and asked me… “you need a…
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Zero Sense of Humor

Date May 23, 2008
So the local police here in sub­ur­bia have no sense of humor, zero, zilch, nada. It’s about 3 a.m. and I find myself at Wawa, des­per­ate­ly in need of caf­feine, I sweep in, hit the ATM, grab 2 one liter Diet Cokes and 2 SFRBs and a Pan­tone 388 apple, that’s bright green, if your…
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Love Me Tender

Date November 29, 2007
I’m slow­ly turn­ing into Elvis, even though I’m aware of it, the process seems to be beyond my con­trol, the sim­i­lar­i­ties are, well …sim­i­lar; Both Elvis and I are male, we both have side­burns (although difer­ent­ly styled), we both have weight issues and are fond of white vel­vet jump­suits and large dia­mond encrust­ed belts with…
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